Smiles
by RAWRIBITEYOU
Summary: What's the best thing to do when the person you love starts loving someone else? Hold on or let go?


Brilliant green eyes were filled with happiness and laughter.

Lips that were forever shaped into a smile.

Unrestrained laughter that resounded so beautifully.

I haven't seen him like that in the longest time. Polite smiles, calm eyes, and small chuckles. That is who he is when he is around me. I've never seen this side of him, and knowing that she can easily bring this side out of him brings such sadness that I can't seem to describe.

I watch as another bout of unrestrained laughter comes from him as she continues her story. I just look on at them, seeing how perfect they look together. If an outsider saw them right now, they would not hesitate to think of them as a happy couple. As people who are so in love with each other that their surroundings do not matter. Seeing how happy they are when each other are near. I can see it, but I don't want to believe it. I don't want to acknowledge what I can see.

So I approach them, and as soon as he sees me coming, the laughter stops, the brilliant eyes dim, and the smile lessens. The person that I'm used to takes over, and I couldn't help but let a sad smile form on my face. He turns to look at her, and his smile brightens once more. They are saying their goodbyes and I couldn't help but feel envious at her. Although he is walking towards me, his eyes are following her every movement. He only turns his head towards me when she finally is out of his site.

The polite smile that he gives me makes me want to cry out. Why can't he show me the smile he shows her? Why can't he laugh uncontrollably with me? Why does he look the happiest when he is with her?

These questions swirl around in my head, and although I know the answers to them, I choose to ignore. Because at least he is by my side. At least I am still who he calls his girlfriend. At least I can still be with him.

I take his hand as we start walking towards my house. His hand almost flinched away from my touch, but at the last second he held onto it. There was a determined look on his face, and he was holding my hand very tightly. I look away from him, and I look up at the sky, keeping my tears at bay.

I straighten my shoulders and tugged at his hand. He looked down at me, and that dread polite smile was on his face again. But as always I choose to ignore it.

"Hey instead of going directly home today, can we stop by at the mall?" I want to try to see if he can give me the face he usually only wears when he's with her. I want to do all I can to get him to show it to me.

"Sure." His one word reply cuts through me, as the image of him openly teasing and having fun with her pops up in my mind. But I push that thought away because I'm his girlfriend. She's not. I'm his girlfriend. Even if she's the only one he can be show that expression to, I'm the one who is going out with him.

I give him a smile, and I pull him towards the bus stop. I told him to race me to it, and he nodded. I ran as fast as I can towards the bus stop, and I couldn't help but giggle. I heard him give a small chuckle and I couldn't help but feel very excited. I looked behind me, and I saw him jogging behind me. My laughter died down and I couldn't help but picture him with her again. The image her running, and of him keeping up with her pace couldn't leave my head. When they were together, he always made sure that they were side by side.

Images of the loving looks that he gives her start appearing in my mind. The loving caresses that he gives her, the happiness that he emits when she's around, and the total love that takes over his expression. All of those images just start coming to me all at once.

He finally reached the stop sign, and he gave one of his dreaded polite smiles again. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my face. The smile left his lips and concern took over his expression. I couldn't help but laugh when he asked me if I was alright. The tears that I have been holding in for the past 5 months just started to pour out. The grief and pain I have holding in finally burst out and I fell down to the floor.

I can feel his rubbing my head, asking me if I was alright, asking me to tell him what he can do to make me stop. But there was nothing he can do, because I knew it was out of his control. What I have been dreading to admit was not something I could keep denying any longer. It's way too painful to continue to be with him when I know the truth.

He loves her. He's fallen in love with Kagome.

"Be with her." The hardest thing I had to do is to say this sentence. Giving him up is not something I want to do, but I couldn't take it anymore. After 5 months of this, my heart is tired.

He was quiet after that, and I turned to look at him and I saw tear starting to form in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Boton. I didn't mean to fall in love with her and hurt you. I'm so sorry." He closed his eyes, and I couldn't help but reach out to him.

When my hand touched his face, he opened up his eyes, and I couldn't help but feel devastated. Did he even love me for the time we were together? Was there a time when he gave me the look that he reserved for her?

I couldn't help but want to know these things, but at the same time, I didn't want to know the truth. I didn't want to know that he had never loved me as much as he loves her. I don't want to hear it from him.

"You're so happy with her that I can't continue to hold on anymore. I'll back away, and let you be with who makes you happy. Go to her."

"I'm sorry." And the smile that I tried do hard to receive showed on his face. He thanked me as he stood up and started to walk away. I kept up a brave face as he slowly and slowly got farther away from me, but as soon as I couldn't see him anymore, it crumbled. I had to let him go. I had to let go of the promises we made, and I had to forget about the memories we created. Because what is the use of them, if he is in love with someone else.

I continued to sit on the sidewalk, and the stream of tears continued to fall down my face. The time I actually see the expression I had been yearning for, is when I tell him to go to her. "Kurama… you jerk."

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